My Explanation

I fear that I am prematurely self-conscious. For I am young and passionate, but do not feel love and pursue. Rather, I feel love and wonder. I scrutinize it, reason with it, and often attempt to quench it. After all, what if it is not real? I don't want to hurt. 

Perhaps this caution is a byproduct of true emotion. Maybe I'm cursed with the foreknowledge that dedication is a costly thing. But surely, that cannot be the way of youth! Youth is brave; youth is quick! Youth will take the brightest course of action, and will stand beside it without hesitation. Youth discovers mutuality and seizes it. Youth waters that mutuality, growing it to produce a shade of finality -- of progressive, unfaltering, and exhilarating devotion! Even if, to the outside observer, this devotion may seem shallow or temporary, it is nonetheless mutual. And as mentioned, this produces a covering under which the youth feel untouchable. It is a bunker of agreement, protecting from all mental (and sometimes moral) invasions.  

So, if all that is the way of youth...why must I stand back here? What is the reason for my scrutiny? I am youthful, I am excited! Maybe I fear rejection. Or maybe I analyze my affection and find not even a hint of mutuality. If that's so, is rejection inescapable? Would attempting this love simply add to the pain I already feel by not attempting it? Is my projection of youth a lie created by youth? Or, is it simply my explanation for the abundant bonds that surround me? 

Yeah...probably.